Broken
by Catii'aSofii'a
Summary: She was broken, her body was broken...the Red Room had done too much damage to her...


**I felt like some Clintasha drama. Enjoy :)**

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Clint knew something was wrong as soon as he got home. It wasn't very late, near dinner time. Natasha had been feeling unwell that morning and chose not to go to work. Besides they were only doing paperwork after last week's assignment and she was allowed some rest. But, he got home and she wasn't on the living room watching TV and eating some kind of microwave dinner (Natasha couldn't cook to save her life), but everything was off. TV, lights, there was a deep dead silence in the apartment that made Clint shiver. Dropping his bag on the ground, next to the door, he raced to the bedroom door. Knocking and entering without waiting for an invite.

"Tasha?"

He could see her red hair. She was sitting against the bed on her side. The bed was unmade and she was in total darkness.

"Tasha? Is everything..." he passed the bed and stilled when he got to her side. Blood, a lot of dark blood. "What happened?" He asked alarmed.

"Stay there," her voice wavered as she didn't look up to meet his worried stormy grey eyes.

"Tasha, you're bleeding!"

Natasha looked at her hands covered in blood and at the red mess underneath her. To increase Clint's worry, she choked on a sob. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"What are you talking about? Are you hurt? Talk to me, I'm freaking out here," he was still, he knew better than to disobey her.

"Why are you with me?"

Clint's heart clenched when Natasha raised her head to look at him. Her green eyes were tortured, sad, depressed, angry...overall not a good combination of emotions and more than he was used to see in her.

"You're not making..."

"Answer me!" She demanded, interrupting him.

"Because I love you, Natasha," he felt like yelling, yet his voice was soft. "Why are you doubting that?"

"I'm not doubting I'm just wondering why me," Natasha shook her head. "Bobbi could have given you everything."

"Bobbi and I were doomed even before we started, why are you bringing her up and what's 'everything'?" Clint was near that point when he couldn't control his anger and worry any longer.

"She's healthy, she could have given you a family," the assassin replied in a barely audible whisper.

It took two seconds to put the pieces together. Family. The blood that stained the floor, the sheets, her shorts...she had...Clint closed his eyes and crouched next to her.

"Don't," Natasha winced and scooted away from his touch. "Just don't..."

"Tasha, I need to get you to a doctor," Clint said.

"It's too late now," her eyes went downcast again.

"I'm talking about your health," he pressed. "You need to be checked out."

"No, I don't. I'm broken. My body's broken," her hands turned into bloody fists. "I found out I was pregnant on the last day of the mission, last week. I thought I would hold it in until our anniversary, next Saturday. I told Phil, so he could arrange my life from now on and I've been cutting down my training. Today, I felt cramping, but I thought it was nothing and then all hell broke loose..." she raised her hands as to make a point. "I was a fool thinking this pregnancy could go on. The Red Room damaged me too much."

"Why didn't you call me?" Clint asked, voice hoarse. "You shouldn't had gone through this alone."

"Sure, I was going to call you and tell what? That the baby that I had a couple of hours ago is dead now?"

Her voice as icy and he cringed.

"I actually felt myself wanting it," she whispered. "God, I thought we could be normal for once. But I can't be, I will never be!"

"Giving all that, you thought I would be better off with Bobbi?" He asked bitterly.

"I love you, Clint, you are my whole world and I know that if given the chance you would love to have a family and the whole nine yards. The fact that I can never give you anything kills me."

"I don't care. I love you Natasha. Now please, let's clean you up, you tortured yourself too much!"

He extended his hand and at first Natasha hesitated, but she ended up accepting. Clint pulled her up from the floor and saw her wince and place a hand at her lower abdomen. "We need to get you to the hospital."

"No hospital, I'll go tomorrow to the doctor, alright? Just not today," she asked.

Clint sighed, but nodded. Fighting about it would be pointless. He took her to the bathroom and turned on the hot water of the shower. He helped her undress, throwing the clothes to the basket. Helping her inside the shower, Natasha shivered as the water hit her body.

"I'm going to clean the room, and then I'll join you, alright?" He caressed her cheek and Natasha nodded leaning into his touch.

Leaving the bathroom, he worked quickly and effortlessly taking out the bed sheet and throwing them in the trash. He moped the floor (thank God it wasn't a carpet) cleaning all the blood. He didn't get emotional, he couldn't. Why would he? What good would that do now? Natasha was his priority. Never was she this vulnerable or as allowed him to see her this vulnerable. That scared him a little.

After making a fresh bed he went to the bathroom again, stripped off of his clothes and got inside the shower next to Natasha. She hugged his waist, resting her head on his chest. He hugged her back and kissed her hair.

Natasha sighed, feeling herself relax in his arms. Why was she so upset? She had had two abortions before, came with the job. Well, you wanted those abortions and neither of them was Clint's baby, the rational and a bit of teary voice in her head said. It was true, this baby was wanted by her. A first for the assassin but she could blame their last assignment. They had to infiltrate a neighbor where a secret organization was trading weapons and experimenting on humans. The terrible actions were hidden behind the white picket fences. Their cover was a married couple with works at a big global firm. They had a big house with a pool and a garden and...they were parents. Where Clint found a baby that could pass as theirs was beyond their imagination, but they had a real baby to take care off. They even had a dog! The picture perfect. The mission lasted four months. Did she got attached to the American Dream? Maybe.

"It's going to be ok," Clint whispered.

She nodded.

"Maybe we should get out and get some sleep, what do you say?" He suggested.

"That would be good," she mumbled.

Clint shut off the water and they both got out, drying themselves. Neither of them put clothes on. Lying in bed, Clint brushed a stray of her from Natasha's eyes.

"I'm sorry for getting so emotional, I just..." Natasha started.

"Don't apologize. It's a normal, human reaction and you are not a machine. I'm just worried about your health now, promise me you go to the doctor's tomorrow?"

"I will, don't worry," Natasha promised. "I don't deserve you, really," she smiled softly.

"You are my world too, Tasha, the fact that you would think that I was better off without you wounds me," Clint said with a serious face.

"I'm sorry, I just keep hurting you," she sighed.

"Next time, call me, talk to me, anything. You're not alone," Clint asked. "And if we ever feel the need of having a family...Natasha there's options. Adoption and those kinds of things. But as long as I have you? I have _everything_!"

Smiling and trying really hard not to cry, she cuddled to his side.

"Sleep," he instructed.

Nodding, she closed her eyes, feeling safe in his arms. Maybe, but just maybe, she wasn't that broken.

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_**Reviews?**_


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